Why Didn’t You Say It Then?
Posted by Robin Easton
When I came back into American culture after several years in the Australian rainforest I was acutely aware of some of the day-to-day language that we use, language that can sound powerful, spiritual and moral, but that can often isolate both ourselves and others. More often than not these statements were used as judgments or assessments. I was so fascinated by the use of certain phrases that I carried a tiny notebook in my pocket and wrote them down. Here are only a very few:
“Nobody can make you happy. Happiness comes from within.” Maybe the choice to embrace happiness is ours but I know that spring tulips make me happy, kind people make me happy, snowy mountains make me happy, and I have made other people happy.
Why didn’t you say it then?” (Excuse me, but I didn’t know there was a time limit on these things. Will someone puh-leeeease mail me the latest time schedule? So, if I didn’t say it right then, I can’t ever say it? Baaaam! Wrong answer; that’s not how it works. We actually get to say it anytime. Imagine that.)
“If you ‘need’ something; it means that you already believe you don’t have it.” Warning, warning, head bender! Lol! So when the 13 million starving children in America feel they “need” food that means they believe they don’t have it. Well, guess what? They don’t have it. Hold one second please, I’m making sure my feet are firmly planted on the ground.
“You have to detach from all attachments.” I say, “Live so fully and passionately that you’re attached to everything and everyone so intensely that you’re madly in love with all of existence. It’s so delicious! I’ll pass on the watered down soup.
“Boy, you’re working through some bad karma.” Whoa! Loaded pistol. The assumption that we ALL believe in karma, and that we ALL have the same definition of karma, and that “someone” has done something bad that they now have to pay for. And what purpose does this serve? Oh for Pete’s sake, just skip straight to the love fest and give the poor soul a hug. It’s a lot easier and much more healing for both of you.
NOTE: What I found interesting is that some of these statements in and of themselves are benign; it was the way they were said (the tone and context) that gave them potentially destructive energy. And the fact that they were flung out there without a thought, as accepted speech. Below is a transcript of a recorded discussion I had with a close male friend (whom we will call Tom). He is a writer and avid reader of spiritual books and loves a good discussion. This part of our discussion is about the use of these phrases.
ROBIN: In this American ‘pop-psychology-new age-culture,’ it seems a lot of us walk around analyzing each other so much that…well, who needs a therapist? (Laughter) We do it to others and even ourselves to the point of torture. (Laughter) We’re right up there in our heads, grinding our wheels, reading our psych and new age books, until we’ve got it all figured out and then we go out into the world and pick ourselves and everyone else to bits. It’s kind of humorous in many ways, but it also can be traumatic. I think it’s almost an accepted form of trauma in our society.
TOM: (Laughing throughout this entire spiel.) I’m tellin’ ya, there’s a real trick to all this new age stuff. We have all these things we’re trying to do. We’re trying to choose happiness on our own because we all know happiness only comes from within and no one can make us happy, so we never ask for help. And we’re trying not to depend on our environment for the quality of our experience because we all know life is what we make it, so we put up with horrendous stuff instead of listening to our gut and making much needed changes. We’re trying to be independent and not dependent because we all know that if we can’t love ourselves, we can’t possibly love anyone else, and heaven forbid if we’re codependent; that’s the kiss of death! We’re trying to detach from all attachments while trying to manifest our reality. (Tom gasps for breath.) (Robin is laughing) And someone told me the other day that if I need something it means I believe that I don’t have it. Well, I don’t have it! Man, we are out there trying and trying. We’re trying so hard that we even make sure everyone else is trying. It’s exhausting. It’s like someone continually picking at a wound. Pick, pick, pick.
ROBIN: What if we stopped trying?
TOM: What do you mean by that?
ROBIN: What if, for the moment, we let go of all the thoughts and theories and psycho-spiritual talk and analysis? What if we think with our hearts, listen and respond to each others souls with our hearts? What if we simply love?
TOM: And what does that mean? To simply love?
ROBIN: Well, first off, what if we let others be exactly where they are? What if we didn’t try to change them, enlighten them, or convert them to our latest spiritual and personal development insights? What if we trusted more in our own and other people’s innate wisdom, even if their wisdom is different from ours? I believe the body has an innate intelligence. If given a listener with complete lack of judgment, someone filled with acceptance and “just being-ness” this innate intelligence will often reveal itself. What if we didn’t correct them, judge them, and define their feelings and experiences according to our own or some other philosophy? What if we took a deep breath, relaxed, and realized that there is no where to be? What if we pointed out people’s strengths instead of their weaknesses (or the things we feel they don’t see).
TOM: What if we set aside our own need for importance and our desire to impress them, our ego? You know, with all our knowledge of the latest book, or video, or belief, or whatever we’re into?
ROBIN: Yes. And what if we asked permission before stating our thoughts and beliefs, before asking questions and making pronouncements?
TOM: So you’re saying, what if we just listened? Really listened with an open heart?
ROBIN: To begin with, what if I honored the fact that another human being chose to share their feelings with me?
TOM: So you mean,.what if we perceived this interaction or experience as something sacred, a touching of two souls?
ROBIN: Yes, always. And what if we didn’t judge what they said as good or bad, right or wrong, or compare it to some book, or some guru’s teachings, or our own spiritual beliefs? What if we didn’t place them on a spiritual scale or hierarchy? Or cram them into Psych 101, or Walsh, Chopra, Karma, Law of Attraction, Four Agreements, the Bible, and every other book we’ve read? What if we just let them experience who they are in our presence?
TOM: If you do that, then what are you left with?
ROBIN: What if we knew that they were “God” (or Life itself) sitting there? Mightn’t we set aside all our stuff and listen with open hearts and minds, with fresh innocence, as if we had never heard them before? Each person we come in contact with is the Divine, whether they live on the street or on Wall Street. In most cases we do not hear or see others. We see and hear only ourselves and whatever insights or view of the world we currently hold onto. We often march into the world, holding our beliefs before us, like a sign that says, “See me. See how wise I am.” When we let go of our concepts, beliefs, insights and views, even for a time, we are left naked and open to new experiences. We begin to experience life for the very first time, and every moment is fresh and new.
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~ “NAKED IN EDEN” ~ Available on Amazon
Did you Enjoy reading Naked in Eden? Would love a review from you, HERE. If you’ve not yet read my Australian adventure book and would like to, you can order it on Amazon HERE. “Naked in Eden” is a spirited true-life Australian adventure story, filled with personal transformation. It is wonderfully life altering for adults, teens and tweens, and would make a memorable gift. Enjoy!
Thank you
Robin
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This Site: © Robin Easton
Website: http://www.nakedineden.com
Blog: http://nakedineden.com/nakedinedenblog/
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13 Comments so far...
skynymph Says:
15 April 2008 at 2:32 am.
Namaste’ Robin! hahahahahahaha, and I’m not just typing those words if I type them I am thinking/saying/feeling or in this case doing them hahahahaha. ;0) I am LOL, those words so commonly heard that you jotted down and responded to, I so want to see you being interviewed on T.V this was an excellent post too.
But you know some days everything seems to just go over my head and I sit here going “uhhhh which way did it go Bob, errrr Robin since it’s your post.”
It’s been a long day now into early morning I am positive I *NEED* my bed, actually let me correct myself, it could be the dang floor but I *NEED* to SLEEP! and *preferably* let it be a bed. But then it’s not like I haven’t slept in the middle of nowhere on the ground ;0) but since I have the bed here, it would be a shame to not allow it to comfort me.
Thank you Robin!!!
metta
sky
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horatiosalt Says:
15 April 2008 at 8:41 pm.
listening is good. seeing, too. i have heard crows chuckle and streams burble. i have seen dogs smile and fish wink. the universe wants to be happy. sometimes we get in the way…
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amzolt Says:
15 April 2008 at 9:27 pm.
Love the birdies.
They’ve been symbols of spirituality in most cultures . . .
Long blog posts usually could be shorter and my own could be a bit longer but yours are just right.
What if everyone got to suffer equally, all at the same time, and then shared their heart-drenched guts?
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Whiteotter Says:
16 April 2008 at 12:13 pm.
First off, I would like to say, thanks for the instructions on signing in Robin. I look forward to looking through your old posts.
Thanks for your kind words on mine and Mike’s blogs. (I am sure you will hear from him also, as soon as I show him how to log in LOL)
I found your post today very amusing, and thought provoking. I guess I don’t analyze, or at least try not to analyze what others say. But as humans most people send hidden messages in their words. I always try to speak honestly, and if I don’t like someone, it is NOT in me to pretend otherwise. I am “socially unacceptable” because I refuse to be something that I am not. But I agree we should always accept others for who and what they really are, I don’t feel that I need to change people or lecture them for their beliefs because their belief system is probably very real to them. Just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean that they are wrong, or that I am wrong.
Again I am rambling with your thought provoking post. I love things that make me think. I will take with me what I have learned here and try to honor it. Thanks Robin. Catch you later
Stacey Huston
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Mhawk Says:
16 April 2008 at 3:45 pm.
Hua Kola sister of the wild places, Just logged in to see your site and must say I am impressed with your insight and spiritual approach to seeing the world in it’s natural form. Your resume in the outer realms of civilization is quite impressive and I look forward to your book. Thanks for your visiting my blog, I look forward to your comments. would love to hear the story of your life in the wild places sometime … keep your chin to the wind.. Hawk a/ho
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thefearlessblog Says:
16 April 2008 at 6:03 pm.
When I failed to listen to my “gut,” my intuition, my inner self or whatever you want to call it, I paid dearly for it. Denying the voice inside and moving along as if I had heard nothing lead me to make choices that I would regret. Ultimately, nothing was “done to me” but “by me.” I chose, decided and accepted. And so, yes I have learned my lesson well. Now, I listen to that inner voice. I listen to my skin, my nerves and my heartbeat. My body warns and advises me, and I pay attention. I would like to believe that lately I have served myself well.
You have left me with much to think about. Thanks for sharing this great post.
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lizh Says:
17 April 2008 at 7:20 pm.
There’s a lot to touch upon in this post,Robin..my mind is spinning.
First, while it’s true that some things in life can ordinarily make one ‘happy’ (ie tulips), I think that it is only with the proper state of mind that the happiness felt from the enjoyment of such things can penetrate through. If a feeling of melancholia is present, than reception to all things wonderful is obstructed.
I try wholeheartedly to ‘live and let live’, and give undivided attention to people I encounter…the message I received from your conversation with Tom. Maybe I’m not as insightful as most but I never seem to compare or rank anyone on a spiritual/psych plain at all. I think it best to try to accept people for who or what they are…after all, we all have something to offer…
Thanks for another thought provoking post…always a pleasure to visit!
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emsraido Says:
18 April 2008 at 6:05 am.
hey, Robs, up early, great to get your vibe through your writing! Thanks for the inspiration for the day. LOL
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Mel Says:
19 April 2008 at 6:12 pm.
¡Hola Robin!
I’m so happy we found each other in the bloggosphere 
It’s amazing to read your thoughts and find my own in them!!
I’ve met people from different places and beliefs, and found in them great friends and advice during difficult times. I agree with you, we should be more open and judge less, we’ll be happier and healthier
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panamajay Says:
22 April 2008 at 1:06 pm.
Robin, great thoughts and dialog .. and all true! As I always say, “You must be borderline brilliant because you agree with me.” Also, another reason to listen without judgment is: “The wise man learns more from the fool, than the fool learns from the wise man.” Marcus Aurelius
Last, but not least, Abraham Lincoln said (probably quoting someone before him) “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.” Now, I’ve spoken up…
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soulMerlin Says:
23 April 2008 at 4:28 pm.
I agree so much about so-called ‘profound’ phrases that are trotted out as universal truths.
You also nail it fully for me on Karma….before the 60′s and the birth of popular Karma, people
would say of someone they dissaproved of “They’ll get their comeuppance”….now people in states of envy or angst, hope that someone will get “The karma they deserve”.
Language does not only comment on reality, it actually creates reality.
…and Love. I don’t know a lot about love in a rational sense – but I feel it when it happens.
when I was small, my father bought me a goldfish and brought it home in a jar. After a while of looking at “Goldie” in the jar, my Father decided that we should put it in the big vase we had on the sideboard and proceeded to get a bucket to go down to the river to get some water. “No Harry” said my mother “Don’t get river water, they’ll die; fill the vase with tap-water.”
My father looked so crestfallen…at that moment, I realised I loved him.
xhenry
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Romance Everywhere | The Incurable Romantic Says:
19 June 2008 at 5:34 pm.
[...] I just finished updating Incurable Romantic’s About Page with Dawne’s Story (mine). Afterwards, I finally got a chance to go over to the blog of probably the single most enthusiastic person I’ve ever had the privilege of hearing from: Robin Easton’s Naked in Eden Blog and started reading Why Didn’t You Say it Then? [...]
Dawne Says:
19 June 2008 at 6:05 pm.
You have about the best view of the world I’ve seen!
I love everything you said here and I mean everything. Here’s my 2 cents worth:
Life IS love and when you’re really alive, you’ve no choice but to live with an open heart.
Love allows us to not only bring, but create happiness for others and with an open heart, we’re also able to receive happiness from them. Love requires us to depend on another, otherwise what’s the point? Everyone needs to be needed. Attachment means commitment and I’ve found detachment simply means disconnection. Karma is a human invention to satisfy a human idea of balance in a world perceived as inherently unbalanced. The world is balanced to teach and it is up to each of us to learn and so receive what we need.
Please keep writing: The world needs people like you very badly.
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